A Voice From The Past

i wrote it more than an year ago, but never got the chance to post. now something has happened, something has changed which encouraged me to dig it down and write it out.
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wednesday 22nd feb 2006 at about 3 o'clock noon
I received a call from my home. My father was on the line. The conversation went somewhat like...
My father: "someone is here to meet u".
Me: "who?"
My father: "ask urself!!".
He handed over the phone to that person.
The person: "hello".
Me: "Assalam o Alaikum".
The person: "pehchana?"
As i recognized the voice, A thousand images changed in front of my eyes in a split second, and it took me some time to recompose myself.
Me: "Qari Mushtaq sahab", how can i forget u?
"pehchaan liya hai g is nay", I overheard him saying to my father.

They were not expecting me to recognize him so quickly. Its definitely not easy to recognize someone's voice after nine long years, but HOW could I forget him? The conversation ended after a few more sentences, but it took me on a ride to some years back in the past... I used to
meet this person daily for 5 years...
How can I forget him?
How can I forget the Quran in my heart?
How can I forget the dent on my nose?
How can I forget the hatred i have for maulvies?
How can I forget a person I respect a lot, and at the same time hate from the core of my heart?
How can I forget my teacher who taught me the Quran?
How can I forget my student of english and maths?
How can I forget those post-torture sleepless nights?
JUST HOW can I forget???

By the time I left the madrassa, I had a mission. I had a vision. I had a dream. I wanted to create an institution where the world's best islamic and non-islamic education will be offerred. An institution which will not create clerics, And nor it will be an assembly line of atheists. But I also knew that it wont be easy.

Once I left madrassa, I never went back. I never looked back. Of the ppl I know/knew, only three went on to persue worldly education. others... well, thats a separate sad story.

I got busy in other stuff. This world is the best illusion. My mission kept being pushed deeper into the dust, but it never left my mind. I kept hoping for the right time, and i kept praying for the strengths needed to achieve my dream.

Night Functions

A few hour delays have always been part of the wedding functions. But now that night functions have become kind of a fashion, these delays become a torture. I attended such a night function some time ago which went way off-schedule. luckily I had a camera, and here are a few thousand words from that function through the lens.

Aisay bhi hain mehrbaa'n...

This world, this life is a funny thing. One day, u r like one soul in two bodies, cant live without one another. And then earth does a few rotations around the sun. Another day, you pass by, but dont even recognize each other. With not even the slightest hint of acquaintance in the eyes, you JUST pass by!! isnt it funny? One day, you had almost everything common between you two, and another day, there is NOTHING common to talk about? One time, you used to virtually live together. Another time, you cannot even spare a few minutes to try to remember the "stranger" in front of you?

Aisay bhi hain mehrbaa'n zindagi ki raah mein
K jab milay tou youn milayjaisay jaantay nahi

This world, this life is a funny thing. Earth keeps rotating. Strangers enter your life to become friends, only to then exit your life to become strangers. Some strangers just become an INTEGERAL part of your life. Earth keeps rotating. And then after a few rotations, the INTEGERAL part becomes obsolete, redundant, needless and useless.

Earth keeps rotating. Strangers become friends, friends become strangers. Thats the way it is. and the only truth is that this world, this life is a funny thing. There are ppl all around you, but still, you have to live it ALONE...

strangers we were, strangers we will remain forever...

iSay - time

gone are the times when not many ppl had watches, but almost everyone had abundance of time for others. and now are the times when everyone has abundance of time-tracking devices everywhere - on wrists, in mobiles, at walls, on TVs; basically anything which has a display, displays time - but unfortunately what everyone does not have is the TIME!!!

Aur sunao

a friends sister asked me to write a debate on this stupid topic "aur sunao". and since i've written one now, i think it would be good if i put it here.
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muazzaz judge sahiba! aur sunao! g? mein sunaaoon? chaliyay koshish krti hoon!!

kehtain hain k khwateen kisi bhi mozu per ghantoon bol sakti hain. magar hmaaray aik dost ka khyaal hai k woh baghair kisi mozu k bhi ghantoon bol sakti hain. aur sunao! khwateen ki baat ho rahi hai tou yahaan yeh amar qabl e zikr hai k dou khwaateen aapas mein baat krtay huay "aur sunao" ka shazo nadir he istmaal krti hain. kiun? kiun k unhain apni sunanay say fursat milay tou woh kisi aur ko sunanay ki dawat dain na! aur jab dou shadi shuda mard aapas mein baat kr rehay hoon tou un ki guftgoo "aur sunao" say shuru ho kr "aur sunao" per he khatam ho jati hain. aur woh iss liay, k shadi shuda mardoon ko sirf sunnay ki aadat hoti hai, woh sunana tou taqreeban bhool he jatay hain. lehaza jab dou mard hazraat apas mein baithay hoon tou woh "aur sunao" say aik doosray ki hosla afzai k ilawa kuch nahi kr saktay. aik biwi apnay shohar say baat krtay huay "aur sunao" ka waqtan fawaqtan istmaal zaroor krti hai. magar shohar becharay nai kuch sunanay k liay munh bhi nah khola hota k biwi dobara sunana shuru kr deti hai. tou jnaab hum nai iss per tou behas kr li k khwateen apas mein "aur sunao" ka istmal nahi krtin, aur mard apas mein aur sunao k ilawa aur kuch istmaal krnay k qabil nahi hotay. khwateen mardoon say baat krtay huay saans lenay k liay aur sunao ka istmaal krti hain. magar... mardoon k khwateen say baat krnay ka zikr nahi hua. wajah uss ki yeh hai k hum nai tou aaj tak kisi mard ko khatoon say baat krtay nahi dekha, hamesha khatoon he mard say baat kr rahi hoti hain. aap kabhi dekhain tou hamain bhi zaroor bataiyay ga!!

aur sunao!!

"aur sunao" ka istmaal syaaq o sbaaq k hwaalay say mukhtlif ma'ani rakhta hai. aap kisi shaair say kahin "aur suano" tou woh apna tazah klaam sunana shuru kr de ga. kisi saas say kahain tou woh apni bahu ki shikayatain lay kr baith jae gi, magar kisi bahu say saas ki shikaytain sunnnai k liay "aur sunao" ki qatan koi zaroorat nahi, woh iss k baghair he aapko apnay sub dukhrray suna dey gi. aur yehi "aur sunao" agar aap kisi dil jlay say kahain, tou woh aap ko khari khari suna day ga. tou hamari aik aziz shairah hain, jo dil jali bhi hain aur shadi shudah bhi. un say jab aap "aur sunao" kahain tou woh ehtiatan pooch leti hain "kia sunaoon? gilay shikway, shairi ya phir khari khari?"

aur sunaon??!!

tou janab, aik hakeem sahab nai fashaar e khoon k ilaj ka aik nahayaat he mujarrab aur teer bahadaf nuskha tayar kia hai, magar masla yeh hai k yeh nuskha sirf khwateen aur shair hazraat per he karaamad hai. hakeem sahab ka kehna hai k fishaar e khoon ka sabab khwateen ka chand minute say ziada chup rehna, aur shair hazraat ka kuch dair tak kisi ko apna kalam na sunana hai. ilaaj k liay mariz ko chand ghantay hakeem sahab k saath guzarna hotay hain. nuskha kuch yoon hai k hakeem sahab k pass jab koi fishar e khoon ki mariz khatoon ya mariz shair aatay hain, tou hakeem sahab sab say pehlay apnay kaanoon mein rui thoonstay hain, aur phir mariz k kaan k qareeb ja kr frmaatey hain "aur sunao"!!. bus phir mariz shuru ho jata hai sunana, aur hakeem sahab waqfay waqfay say apna sir hilatay rehtay hain aur mariz ka mushahidah krtay rehtay hain. jab mariz k hont hilna band kr dain tou hakeem sahab kaanoon say rui nikaltay hain, aur bhari bhar kam fees lay kr mareez ko sehat mand honay ki khushkhabri suna detay hain.

aur sunaaoon? g tou suniyay...

hakeem sahab ka jo nuskha tha, uss ki shohrat barrhtay barrhtay "tehreek e insdaad e fishaar e khoon pakistan" k haath lag gia. tehreek choon k pakistan say fishaar e khoon k khaatmay k liay kaam kr rahi thi, tou unhoon nai iss nuskhay k wasee paimaanay per istmaal ka faisla kia. chunachay aik mobile phone service fraham krnay wali company k ishtraak say unhoon nai tv per rozana kai dafa "aur sunao" ka wird shuru kr dia hai, jis say pakistan mein fishaar e khoon say mutassirah khwateen ki sharah mein khaasi kami waqia hui hai.

aur sunaaoon?

tou janab her dawa k kuch manfi asraat (side effects) tou hotay he hain na. aur yeh nuskha chun k zra mukhtlif qism ka tha, iss liay manfi asraat bhi marizoon ki bajae un k ird gird pae janae walay logon per ziada murattab hotay hain. iss dawa say khwateen marizoon ki sehat per to koi manfi asar nahi parra, magar un k saath rehnay walay mard hazraat k kaan kafi mutassir huay hain, lihaza kaanoon mein ddalnay k liay rui ki maang mein bhi kaafi izafa hua hai.

aur sunnaaoon?

kahaan tak suno gey kahaan tak sunaaoon, hazaroon he shikway hain kia kia bataoon.

haal mein maujood iss khamoshi, aap sab ki aankhoon mein timtimaati roshnion aur chehroon per maujood muskurahttoon per jali huroof mein likha "aur sunao" iss stage say baa asaani parrha ja sakta hai, magar waqt khatam hua chaahta hai aur alfaaz bhi, tou mein aap say ijaazat chahoon gi. iss dua k saath k aap k halq e ahbab mein koi na koi aisi hasti hamesha maujood rehay jo aap k dukh dard baanttnay k liay waqtan fawaqtan aap say fermaesh krti rehay k "aur sunao"!!

shukria!!

let me speak

again, i have feelings and emotions, but no words to describe. :( still muted, still unable to chose the right words to describe my feelings...

iQuote

there are only 10 types of people in this world; those who know binary, and those who dont.

iQuote

“You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her”
-unknown

Aik She'r

Came to my mind months ago, and i kept hoping that my mind will turn it into a ghazal. but i've waited long enough i guess.

chaahoon k tujh say qareeb hoon
dekh mein bhi kitna ajeeb hoon

my state of mind right now

its one of those days again. i'm not happy with my life, not happy with what i have achieved so far. its of those days when it hurts real bad to accept that i have not achieved so far what i could. a feeling that i am wasting my life. deep down a strong desire to leave everything behind, and start all over again with a new zeal.

i know i was gifted, i was blessed. but that blessing seems to have left me. infact i disregarded that blessing, and now luck is no more on my side. i know what to do to bring back the old blessed kashif, but i am unable to perform such a primitive task. why? i dont know. maybe Allah is not happy with me. i need his blessings to be able to shine again. but i feel i have disobeyed him. i have made him angry, and have walked away from him.

i want to go back now, i need to go back. i cannot live like this. i want to be a good human being, only then i can achieve what i was sent for. but what i was sent for anyways? who knows!!

Please forgive me my lord, for there is no comparison of your blessings to my sins. you are forgiving, and thats what i seek. i am sinful, but you are THE creator. its a human's nature to disobey, and its your authority to forgive.

Please forgive me. please give me courage to become a good muslim. please please make me a good muslim. please have mercy on me. please help me.