My state of mind right now...

another birthday today... another year passed... so quickly... so quickly that i almost dint notice it... three years ago, i was in northern areas these days... an year after that, i was there again... for all the wrong reasons... it was earthquake, it was doomsday... then another year passed, i was in london for all the right reasons with all the right company... so vividly i remember it all... nobody wished me till evening last year, when i expected atleast ppl there with me to wish... i dint expect wishes from same ppl this year, but unpredictable as this life is, they wished me...

its really amazing how much life can change in one year... and at the same time, how amazingly still life can become for the whole year... i spent almost all of the year in the same company (though the name changed two days ago), in the same city, same office, same desk... yet i'm not the Kashif who i was 1 year ago... learned a lot from my mistakes, changed a lot for the better and for the worse at the same time... found new friends, lost old ones... among them, lost a very dear friend inexplicably... still unable to understand what happened... i just know that we lost it somehow... not even acquaintaces anymore... i just have sweet memories and bitter moments... his sight makes me nostalgic... my friend took the present from me, i wish he had taken the past with him as well... i wrote this about an year ago, and its sad that i was very much right... my friend, i wish you everything in life!!

i dont know what life has in store for me... where will i be next year... i had ambitious plans, but couldnt act on them... i still have ambitious plans... but i'm working on them more seriously now... i've matured, learned a lot to know whats practical and whats not... i hope for next year to bring fulfillemnt, rewards and satisfaction... i pray it brings health and joy... i pray i discover my true self in the days to come... i pray i achieve my dreams... i pray...

Aisay bhi hain mehrbaa'n...

This world, this life is a funny thing. One day, u r like one soul in two bodies, cant live without one another. And then earth does a few rotations around the sun. Another day, you pass by, but dont even recognize each other. With not even the slightest hint of acquaintance in the eyes, you JUST pass by!! isnt it funny? One day, you had almost everything common between you two, and another day, there is NOTHING common to talk about? One time, you used to virtually live together. Another time, you cannot even spare a few minutes to try to remember the "stranger" in front of you?

Aisay bhi hain mehrbaa'n zindagi ki raah mein
K jab milay tou youn milayjaisay jaantay nahi

This world, this life is a funny thing. Earth keeps rotating. Strangers enter your life to become friends, only to then exit your life to become strangers. Some strangers just become an INTEGERAL part of your life. Earth keeps rotating. And then after a few rotations, the INTEGERAL part becomes obsolete, redundant, needless and useless.

Earth keeps rotating. Strangers become friends, friends become strangers. Thats the way it is. and the only truth is that this world, this life is a funny thing. There are ppl all around you, but still, you have to live it ALONE...

strangers we were, strangers we will remain forever...

iSay - time

gone are the times when not many ppl had watches, but almost everyone had abundance of time for others. and now are the times when everyone has abundance of time-tracking devices everywhere - on wrists, in mobiles, at walls, on TVs; basically anything which has a display, displays time - but unfortunately what everyone does not have is the TIME!!!

my state of mind right now

its one of those days again. i'm not happy with my life, not happy with what i have achieved so far. its of those days when it hurts real bad to accept that i have not achieved so far what i could. a feeling that i am wasting my life. deep down a strong desire to leave everything behind, and start all over again with a new zeal.

i know i was gifted, i was blessed. but that blessing seems to have left me. infact i disregarded that blessing, and now luck is no more on my side. i know what to do to bring back the old blessed kashif, but i am unable to perform such a primitive task. why? i dont know. maybe Allah is not happy with me. i need his blessings to be able to shine again. but i feel i have disobeyed him. i have made him angry, and have walked away from him.

i want to go back now, i need to go back. i cannot live like this. i want to be a good human being, only then i can achieve what i was sent for. but what i was sent for anyways? who knows!!

Please forgive me my lord, for there is no comparison of your blessings to my sins. you are forgiving, and thats what i seek. i am sinful, but you are THE creator. its a human's nature to disobey, and its your authority to forgive.

Please forgive me. please give me courage to become a good muslim. please please make me a good muslim. please have mercy on me. please help me.

Trust

What's the most satisfying feeling? Being wealthy? no. Being competent? no. Being Intelligent? no. The best feeling is being trustworthy, and this is what makes you worthy. Trust is the most precious thing if you ask me. If you have people you can trust, and if you have people who can trust you, you are successful. Unfortunately, I am a failure. A total failure. I feel deprived, but i am not dissappointed; for i know that failure can bring success if you persevere.

yes, some event triggered this.
yes, i want to say alot more, but dont want to write it here.
yes, i am feeling insulted.
yes, i am feeling down.
yes, i am feeling sad.
yes, i want to cry.

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?

After Joining NCR

below is what i wrote two weeks after joining NCR... im posting it here just for the record....
when i look back now, i see how everything was planned... now i know why i could not get a job here earlier due to most weirdest of the reasons... why i resigned from Al-Huda without any reason... and its interesting how i landed in Shifa after the earthquake... i was made to see the misery in Kashmir... and i had to put in my bit to help them... and just at the right time, they called me... Allah Surely knows the best!!!

Expecting The Unexpected...

i dont remember when, but long long ago i learned the secret to a happy life: i must NOT expect anything from anyone. if someone gives me a favour, appreciate his help. if i ask someone for a favour and he does not try to help me, i must not be upset.... the rule worked excellent for years... this rule helped me live happily... years went by... sand clocks kept turning upside down... untill one day something happened... someone did something which i did not expect him to do... my rule failed... my principle gave me the shock of my life... i did not expect anything from him... but then what happened? i kept thinking... i kept wondering... i kept searching for an answer... and finally, i found the answer... my rule was not wrong... but it was incomplete... i never expected anything good from anyone, but forgot that i must expect something from everyone... i must expect anything bad from anyone... the rule changed... and i started living happily again...