Dieing Friendships...

life has to change i know. but why cannot i continue life without losing my dear ones? why cannot friends always remain friends? why is it that whenever i get a new friend, i lose an old one? WHY? i can see some emerging friends like aisha, sameer, sumera and mubashir, but why do i have to see off kanwal, saqib, mushtaq and waqas? WHY?

i know, to get something, u have to lose something. but WHY?

this is not fair! i want new friends, but not at the cost of old ones! why my job has swallowed my friendships? am i paid to lose my friends? why is it that talking to my friends used to make me fresh, but talking to the same person caueses nostalgia now? i tried not to talk to my old friends, but it didnt help either. i'm stuck, like someone said:

woh na aaeen tou hoti hai khalish si dil mein
woh jo aaeen tou khalish aur jwaan hoti hai

i talked to an old friend of mine after a long long ago. we used to talk almost daily. we used to call each other without watching the time. we used to talk and talk and talk. night would turn into dawn, and noon would turn into night... time would run out, but not our discussions, and not our interest. but today when i called my friend, the "conversation" went somewhat like:
hi
hi
hows life?
nothing, just usual routine
whats on ur side?
just nothing yar
so?
[sigh]
[a looong pause, both of us trying to figure out what to say]
so, anything new?
yaaaar mmmmmmm bus nothing
[another loooong pause, both of us saying alot without saying a word]
[sigh]
so, whats up?
[sigh]
just nothing yar [sigh]
[sigh]
[another long pause]
[we both know that there is nothing left to talk, but still eager to make a conversation]
[sigh]
remember how much we used to talk?
[sigh] yes, good old times yar, really miss that.
[we both are attacked by nostalgia, both lost in our memories]
[after another long pause, we decide to end the conversation]
ok yar, meet u sometime later
ok bye

the line is disconnected, and i feel like crying. feel like losing some parts of myself.

met another good old friend last week. will tell u about him (infact them) sometime later, but again, meeting him after six long years could not get any further than "where were u, from where u graduated, what r u doing these days" etc.

i really dont want to lose my friends. i just dont want it, not at any cost! but what can i do?

jin ka hr ik lfz mujhay yad tha pani ki tarha
yad thay mujh ko jo paigham e zubani ki tarha
mujh ko pyaray thay jo unmol nishani ki tarha
kiun guzar gae woh sab drya ki rwani ki tarha
bhool gya mein unhain purani kahani ki tarha

[the first three lines above are from a famous ghazal sung by jagjit, i added the last two.]