Aik She'r

Came to my mind months ago, and i kept hoping that my mind will turn it into a ghazal. but i've waited long enough i guess.

chaahoon k tujh say qareeb hoon
dekh mein bhi kitna ajeeb hoon

my state of mind right now

its one of those days again. i'm not happy with my life, not happy with what i have achieved so far. its of those days when it hurts real bad to accept that i have not achieved so far what i could. a feeling that i am wasting my life. deep down a strong desire to leave everything behind, and start all over again with a new zeal.

i know i was gifted, i was blessed. but that blessing seems to have left me. infact i disregarded that blessing, and now luck is no more on my side. i know what to do to bring back the old blessed kashif, but i am unable to perform such a primitive task. why? i dont know. maybe Allah is not happy with me. i need his blessings to be able to shine again. but i feel i have disobeyed him. i have made him angry, and have walked away from him.

i want to go back now, i need to go back. i cannot live like this. i want to be a good human being, only then i can achieve what i was sent for. but what i was sent for anyways? who knows!!

Please forgive me my lord, for there is no comparison of your blessings to my sins. you are forgiving, and thats what i seek. i am sinful, but you are THE creator. its a human's nature to disobey, and its your authority to forgive.

Please forgive me. please give me courage to become a good muslim. please please make me a good muslim. please have mercy on me. please help me.

iQuote

There are only two types of people in this world: those who succeed, and those who stop trying!!

Book Review: Men are from Mars Women are from Venus

After exchanging a few harsh words, I headed for the door. I was fired, irritable, and had heard enough. We had both reached our limits.

Then something started to happen that would change my life.

Bonnie said, "Stop, please don't leave. This is when I need you the most. I'm in pain. I haven 't slept in days. Please listen to me."

I stopped for a moment to listen.

She said, "John Gray, you're a fair -weather friend! As long as I'm sweet, loving Bonnie you are here for me, but as soon as I'm not, you walk right out that door."

Then she paused, and her eyes filled up with tears. As her tone shifted she said, "Right now I'm in pain. 1 have nothing to give, this is when 1 need you the most. Please, come over here and hold me. You don't have to say anything. I just need to feel your arms around me. Please don't go."

I walked over and silently held her. She wept in my arms. After a few minutes, she thanked me for not leaving. She told me that she just needed to feel me holding her.

The above are a few lines from the book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus by John Grey.

I was just orkutting when i found ebooks sharing community. i had not read any good book since my university days, and had no intention to read this one. but since i had nothing to better to do, i clicked on a random link and downloaded this book. and the above text not only forced me to read this book, but sparked a new zeal in me for the reading. man, was I going to miss something?

It’s a great book, A must read for everyone. This book gave me the courage to accept my mistakes. It taught me to be fair towards the fairer sex. It also taught me to appreciate the difference of approach between men and women. You can find thousands of books on this topic, but what makes this book special is the style. while others might bombard you with jargons and bore you to death, john grey keeps it simple yet interesting. once you start reading, you just cannot leave the book, nor you want to skip a word of it.

I feel I cannot do justice with this great book in this so-called review. All i can say is that when you read it, you will regret reading it so late....

and yes, if u need a soft copy, just email me. :)

masjid...

it was juma prayer time, and we were wandering in F7 searching for a mosque. lost, we stopped beside a padesterian to ask him. i rolled down the window glass, and asked a perfectly innocent question "sir yahaan qareeb masjid hai koi?" but his reply was something which never expected: "kinna di?" ie "who's mosque?" i looked at him, then at mehran to my right, then at him again, trying to figure out what to say. Mehran quickly retored back "musalmanaan di". and he told us the way to mosque, adding that masjidain kaafiroon ki bhi hoti hain.

Trust

What's the most satisfying feeling? Being wealthy? no. Being competent? no. Being Intelligent? no. The best feeling is being trustworthy, and this is what makes you worthy. Trust is the most precious thing if you ask me. If you have people you can trust, and if you have people who can trust you, you are successful. Unfortunately, I am a failure. A total failure. I feel deprived, but i am not dissappointed; for i know that failure can bring success if you persevere.

yes, some event triggered this.
yes, i want to say alot more, but dont want to write it here.
yes, i am feeling insulted.
yes, i am feeling down.
yes, i am feeling sad.
yes, i want to cry.

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?

Something

something happened today
so what? something happens everyday
no, something different happened today
but something different happens everyday
yes right, but what happened today was unusually unusuall
ok, what happened today?
cant tell u!
then why u started this?
because i wanted to share
then share
i cant
then dont
but i want to
u know what, i want to say something as well
what?
go to hell
nobody listens to me :'(
yeah right :@

Muted

alot of things have been going around me these days. alot of things worth mentioning, with everything a story in itself, with everything demanding a separate post. but just dont feel like writing these days. dont know what has happened, just fail to concentrate. its like someone has pushed the mute button on my life. words keep disturbing my mind, but fail to make sentences.

so i thought i should write something, letting u ppl know whats going on:
attended 4d workshop on 19th june, sunday.
lost my cell phone the same day, coming back from the workshop.
a uk trip is in the pipeline for me, am applying for a visa today, and will be flying as soon as possible.
have developed a fear that i am losing my friends, and the worst part is that the fear seems like coming true.
got my passport, but it was not easy. the poor batman spent four hours in the scorching sun in the queue, and then i spent one hour too.

Another day with the psuedo car

after that day, i was trying my best to avoid the grey one, but my badluck got me into trap once again. my parents were out of the city and the grey one was on my disposal. but instead of using the grey one, i kept using cab, because i knew that the grey one doesnt like me. i knew that its just waiting for the right moment to stop in the middle of the road to insult me. and finally, the grey one got the chance it was waiting for. my sister told me that she is tired of the routine, and wants to go to college abit late. unfortunately, i agreed. i had to reach office around 10, and could easily drop her to the college.

no one had used the grey one for days, and it was in a terrible state (or to be more accurate, it was in more terrible state than it normally remains in). so, i gave it a bath, hoping that it would get happy and wont create problems for me. after the "shower", i saw it in its real color after months!! anyways, we left for her college next morning. now luckily my college and my university were - and now my office is - at such locations that i normally dont need to travel on busy roads like Islamabad Highway in rush hours. but that day, i had to. after crossing the I-8 signal we soon became part of a very large queue of cars waiting for the zero-point signal. the traffic had come to a dead stop. it would move a few meters after every 2/3 minutes. and with the signal atleast a kilometer away, i soon figured out that it would take atleast half an hour to cross it. but what really irritated and worried me was the temperature - both overall and of the car. the grey one was getting angry. the temperature was rising, and both the grey one and i were losing temper very fast. the time was running out, and i had to pull over to the shoulder to "nagotiate" with it. i opened the bonnet, only to find out that the reserve coolant bottle was full, but somehow the radiator was really hot. i was releived to know that i had some good supply of water with me in the car. i needed to open the radiator cap, but how?? all i had was a piece of cloth abit larger than a handkerchief. right when i was about to twist the cap, i remembered a teacher of mine who had ruined his face trying to open the hot radiator cap. so, i stopped. i had to allow the water to cool down. about thirty minutes had passed when a motorbike stopped just beside me. it was mohsin, whose sister was my class fellow in school. he asked me if he could be of any help. to tell you the truth, i did need help, but did not want him to tell his sister about this. so, i told him that everything is ok.

finally when the grey one had cooled down, i thanked god, and twisted the key in the ignition to start the car... nothing happened. i tried again, nothing happened again. another try, but no luck. now this was too much. standing in the middle of nowhere, on one of the busiest roads around, the car could not be started "manually" (through dhakka i mean). i called my brother, who was supposed to pass through the same road in a while. he said he is coming, and another 30 minutes passed before he finally arrived.

till then, the rush hours were over, and the road was not THAT congested. first, we thought of towing the car, but "rope" we found in the car could be used to immobilize some kid, but not to tow a car. so, we requisted another person who was sitting at a distance besides his malfunctioned van to help us push the car. i sat in the driving seat, and that person, along with my brother (in a suit) started pushing the car. luckily, the car started in a few meters. so, we decided that i should "directly" go to office, and my brother will drop my sister. i started praying, and kept praying untill i reached within walking distance from office. i thanked god, atleast now i could park it anywhere in case it breaks down, and could reach office on foot. approaching the office building, i slowed down my car, and as soon as i turned left to get off the road, i heared a BIG collsion! and when i saw there, the car behind me had tried to overtake me, and collided head on with another car coming from the opposite side. as i was indirectly involved in the collision, i feared them dragging me into the "dialogue". so, i parked the grey one as soon as i could, and walked towards the building, avoiding eye contact with any of them. fortunately they did not involve me, and i finally reached office two hours later than i had planned!! but more importantly, i DID reach office!

i thought enough mockery has been made of my poor self, but the grey one was not over yet. after the office when i tried to start it to go home, it did not respond again! now what? i thought about asking the guards to get a push, but then the problem was that i had never talked to them during the past six months! so, i went into the office again. it was about 10PM, and none of my "friend colleagues" were there. usman - my team member - was sitting there. i was thinking of how to ask him to help me, when he asked that why i was back. i told him why. one more person was needed. so, i spotted a fastian - rizwan mubarak. both of them were about to leave, and were without a car. so, they packed up, and came along me to the grey one. it was second time in a day that the grey one was being pushed by people in suits!! they had to run for about 200 meters before it finally started! so, now i had to drop both of these to their homes. that was easy i thought, bec i knew that rizwan lives in G-9/4, less than a kilometer away, and usman lived in g-10, about two kilometers to the opposite side. it was usman's turn first, and i dropped him in G-10. but then, rizwan asked me to drop him to F-11, and i had to!! (didnt that push cost me too much?) when i finally reached F-11, i noticed that the temperature guage was rising again. OMG... i started praying. this is the last time Allah mian, i will never user this car again. i kept praying, and the guage kept rising. but luckily, the guage did not go far enough, and i finally reached home.

it was an embarrasing day, but luckily my family accepted the fact that there is some "chemistry" between me and the grey one. now they do try to keep that car away from me!! thank god!!!

moral of the story:
always keep a rope and some good water supply while travelling in such a car.
keep some fire-fighting equipment with u.
keep good relations with the building guards.
keep two persons in the car who can push it, whenever and wherever required.
if u cannot follow the above instructions, then never drive the grey one.!!

Praise Finally...

ive been working on this project for the last 3/4 months. uptill this day, an email from onsite meant a problem. before reading email, i used to pray that its a minor problem. but finally, today i got some emails without a problem! some extracts from the emails (offcourse, confidential info removed):

Just got an informal feedback... good work guys.
Salut to the team! 212 sessions with each login taking 1/4th of a second. They're now moving to a thousand...This optimization has really improved the performance greatly.... onsite team is really thanking all you guys... Brilliant work!

am feeling really great now, the onsite team is impressed finally, and i hear some good words from them finally!!

Tou Aap Hain...

i went to SCB bank the other day to resolve some issues with my account. the young lady there asked for my name, and i gave her my card. her stressed face suddenly turned into a happy one, and she said in a state of extreme happiness: "acha tou aap hain Kashif Naseer jin k peechay mein itnay din say paagal hui hui thi". i was not expecting it at all, and all i could say was "g?".
she suddenly realised what she said, and told me that there was some problem with my documents. oh, i wish it was something else! she remained embarrased for the rest of the conversation, and i enjoyed the visit!

Saturday 13 May, 2006

Position Vacant

A well-reputed and well-established household is looking for a self-motivated, energetic and confident female Java Developer with some good inter-personal communication and management skills.

education:
four-year BS (CS) degree from a well-reputed, HEC recognised university.
foreign qualification will be a plus.
diploma/ short courses in cooking/ makeup will be a plus.

experience:
fresh graduates will be preffered, candidates with maximun of two years experience can also apply however.

the candidate must posess some good java development skills. she should have good management skills.the candidate must have a reliable high-speed internet connection at home, and must possess a pentium4 laptop equipped with 17" TFT wide screen and intel HT processor.

limited transportation/gifts will be offered during probation period of initial three months. a life-time contract will be signed at the end of the probation period, if agreed upon.

job description:
the successful candidate will have to permanently shift with the employer. all the expenses/ transportation and man power required to move will be provided by the employer.the responsibilities will include developing and offering java to her boss atleast twice a day, and managing the household.

Package:
an attractive package including free lodging, clothing, dinning and transportation will be offered depending on the candidate's beauty and qualification.

interested candidates may send their resumes along with two latest photographs of the laptop at: kashif.naseer@gmail.com

the last date to apply is 31st july, 2006. the jury's decision will be final, and cannot be challenged in any court of law. the jury may accept or reject any application without disclosing the reasons.

------------------------------

you must be wondering what made me write it... well, something funny happened a few days ago: the whole family was sitting in the yard, discussing marriages. my mother suddenly turned to me and said: "if you have someone in your mind, or if you want to choose your life partener, you have six months. bring that girl to me within six months, or never complain to me on whatever i choose for you." i wanted to share this thing with you, but not in the usual manner. and besides, i dont yet have anyone in my mind, and time is running out. so, i thought i should post an add here... who knows!! :D ;)

On Krak Head's Birthday

i always dedicate this "liberated" poem (can u tell me a better translation of azaad?) to my friends on their birthday. Krak Head might not appreciate it, but still...

ab k saal kuch aisa krna
apnay pichlay baarah maah k
dukh sukh ka andaza krna
bsri yaadain taaza krna
saada sa ik kaaghaz lay kr
bhoolay bsray pal likh laina
phir us beetay ik ik pal ka
apnay guzray ik ik kal ka
ik ik morr ehaata krna
saaray dost ekathay krna
saari subhain haazir rakhna
saari shaamain paas bulana
aur ilawa in k dekho
ik ik mosam dhiyaan mein rkhna
ik ik yaad gumaan mein rkhna
phir mohtaat qiyaas lgaana
gr tou khushiyaan barrh jaati hain
tou phir tum ko meri taraf say
aanay wala saal mubarak
aur agar gham barrh jaaen tou
mat bekaar takalluf krna
dekho phir tum aisa krna
meri khushiyaan tum lay lena
mujh ko apnay gham dey dena
ab k saal kuch aisa krna

oh, and by the way, its my silver jubily post! and coincidently, dedicated to Krak Head who inspired me to start blogging! (dont i give her too much credit of this "historical event"? why do i mention it in my every 7th/8th post?)

Dieing Friendships...

life has to change i know. but why cannot i continue life without losing my dear ones? why cannot friends always remain friends? why is it that whenever i get a new friend, i lose an old one? WHY? i can see some emerging friends like aisha, sameer, sumera and mubashir, but why do i have to see off kanwal, saqib, mushtaq and waqas? WHY?

i know, to get something, u have to lose something. but WHY?

this is not fair! i want new friends, but not at the cost of old ones! why my job has swallowed my friendships? am i paid to lose my friends? why is it that talking to my friends used to make me fresh, but talking to the same person caueses nostalgia now? i tried not to talk to my old friends, but it didnt help either. i'm stuck, like someone said:

woh na aaeen tou hoti hai khalish si dil mein
woh jo aaeen tou khalish aur jwaan hoti hai

i talked to an old friend of mine after a long long ago. we used to talk almost daily. we used to call each other without watching the time. we used to talk and talk and talk. night would turn into dawn, and noon would turn into night... time would run out, but not our discussions, and not our interest. but today when i called my friend, the "conversation" went somewhat like:
hi
hi
hows life?
nothing, just usual routine
whats on ur side?
just nothing yar
so?
[sigh]
[a looong pause, both of us trying to figure out what to say]
so, anything new?
yaaaar mmmmmmm bus nothing
[another loooong pause, both of us saying alot without saying a word]
[sigh]
so, whats up?
[sigh]
just nothing yar [sigh]
[sigh]
[another long pause]
[we both know that there is nothing left to talk, but still eager to make a conversation]
[sigh]
remember how much we used to talk?
[sigh] yes, good old times yar, really miss that.
[we both are attacked by nostalgia, both lost in our memories]
[after another long pause, we decide to end the conversation]
ok yar, meet u sometime later
ok bye

the line is disconnected, and i feel like crying. feel like losing some parts of myself.

met another good old friend last week. will tell u about him (infact them) sometime later, but again, meeting him after six long years could not get any further than "where were u, from where u graduated, what r u doing these days" etc.

i really dont want to lose my friends. i just dont want it, not at any cost! but what can i do?

jin ka hr ik lfz mujhay yad tha pani ki tarha
yad thay mujh ko jo paigham e zubani ki tarha
mujh ko pyaray thay jo unmol nishani ki tarha
kiun guzar gae woh sab drya ki rwani ki tarha
bhool gya mein unhain purani kahani ki tarha

[the first three lines above are from a famous ghazal sung by jagjit, i added the last two.]

The Maiden Century!!

Hey, i just noticed, my profile views counter has entered into three figures! its at 115 right now, and i am gaining fast on Sameer who is at 133 right now!! seems like my readers like my stupidity!!

Direct From the BED...

Kashooooooooooo wakeup!! i heard my sister's voice from somewhere far away, but still it was near enough to wake me up. i stepped out of the bed without opening my eyes, came out of the room, and into the driving seat of the car parked right in front of my room. my hand found the key plugged into the ignition switch, and twisted it to start the car. allowing some time for the engine to get warmed up, i rubbed my eyes open, and adjusted to the light. the gate was already open, and soon i was on my way to drop her to the bus stop.

it has become my routine for quite some time now. every morning, i jump out of the bed, and into the driving seat in as few steps as possible. she opens my room door for me, opens the car door, puts the key in the ignition, opens the gates, and then shouts to wake me up!!. the exercise is planned in such a way that she reaches at the stop exactly when the bus arrives. so, once in a while when i yawn a bit extra while driving, we miss the bus. and then i forget my drowsiness, step on the paddle, and become a hero of The Fast and the furious to catch the bus.

the bus stop is just a bit more than a kilometer away, and it doesnt take me more than ten minutes to get back home. but today, i had planned to withdraw some money from the SCB ATM Machine in I-8, another kilometer away from the stop. i had just started the car after getting the money when i realized that the gas was about to finish. considering that my brother has to take this car to his office in an hour or so, i decided to give him a favour by getting the gas filled up. i turned the car towards the shell gas station which is just about hundred meters away from the ATM machine. while the gas was being filled into my car, i noticed another car beside me whose driver seemed to have jumped into the driving seat directly from his bed. "i'm not alone" i thought!!

the real story starts when i was driving out of the gas station. i noticed a greenish grey alto parked at a distance from the gas dispensers. as soon as my car moved from the dispenser, that alto started to move towards the dispenser. the james bond inside me woke up. the questions that bond brought along were:

why the car was parked at distance when there were idle gas dispensers?
why the car started moving exactly when i left the gas dispenser?

my 007 alarmed that something was wrong. i decide to use the "in" passage to go out, enabiling myself to move toward that suspicious car. getting near to that alto, i saw a lady on the driving seat. that was encouraging, atleast i was not in trouble!! her overall appearance seemed familiar, but i couldnt relate it to anyone in particular. i had a feeling that i have seen her before, maybe a long ago when she was young. the alto was moving towards the gas dispenser. and just when it crossed me, the lady fixed her dupatta nervously. and this act reminded me who she was... she was a colleague of mine!! i mean she IS a colleague of mine!! she has a special and very different style of fixing her dupatta... it didnt take me long to understand why i was not able to recognize her, why she looked older than she normally seems, and why was she avoiding me... she, too, had come directly from bed, and had not applied any makeup!!!

Thursday 4th May, 2006

VIP Killers

i got it through a forwarded email. this VIP movement is causring serious problems for citizens. i was once stuck because of this for an hour just one kilometer away from my home.

THE route seems longer than ever. She's in severe pain that starts from her abdomen and makes her entire body shiver. She desperately wants medical attention, but is trapped in a flood of vehicles. Her father looks at her helplessly; her brother anxiously searches for an exit. Her mother rubs her cold hand when she realizes that she's unconscious. Now she can vaguely hear sirens of the VVIP fleet passing from a distance. The ruptured appendix in her slim body is causing excruciating pain. She breathes her last in the back seat of a cab, without receiving any medical attention.

The girl referred to is Zill-e-Huma — a young, promising and polite M.A. Previous student of the Mass communication Department at the University of Karachi. She died on March 29, 2006, on her way to the Jinnah hospital after being stranded in a traffic jam caused by VVIP movement in the city because of a series of Expo exhibitions."Sorry, she's no more. Had she been brought a little earlier, her life could have been saved," doctors at the emergency department of the JPMC consoled her shocked family.

Huma was a popular student. Her friends are still in shock. She was a position-holder throughout her academic career. Her letters were frequently published in newspapers, and her news reports were appreciated for their accuracy and newsworthiness in her class. The day Huma passed away, she attended her classes till noon, worked on a group assignment, shared jokes with her classmates, promised her friend a belated birthday gift and even had a photograph taken with her close friends. Huma had been going through minor abdominal pains for a few days and was taking painkillers for relief. Doctors at a nearby hospital advised her family to rush her to the Jinnah hospital when she complained of severe pain on Wednesday afternoon after returning from the university. Her friends allege that she did not die from appendix rupture, but lost her life because of VVIP protocol that deprived her of immediate medical assistance, one of the basic rights of every citizen.

Huma's was not the first death caused by traffic jam during VIP movement. According to newspaper reports, five people died on their way to the National Institute of Cardio-Vascular Diseases in Karachi on Jan 7, 2006 when the vehicles carrying them got stuck in a traffic jam. "Only from Jan 1 to Jan 7 this year, 20 heart patients died on their way to the NICVD because of prolonged traffic jams," NICVD sources said.

In this regard, the Pakistan Medical Association also issued a press release according to which patients suffering from heart attack, severe abdominal pain, bleeding disorders, small children with foreign body bronchus, gynae and obstetric emergency problems, and trauma face hard times in reaching hospitals because of clogged traffic, particularly while the VIPs move around.
Despite frequent media coverage and public concern, the authorities have turned a blind eye to the issue. In all civilized societies, ambulances and fire engines have the first right to move ahead and no matter who's on theroad, traffic in one or two lanes keeps on moving to ensure the timely arrival of patients in hospitals. On the contrary, when the VIPs bless our cities with their generous presence, all roads and routes are blocked for hours in the name of security. With inauguration of the Expo centre in the heart of the city, organising regular exhibitions has intensified citizens' problems. Traffic jams on the University Road, Karsaz, Jail Road, Shahra-i-Faisal and other adjacent routes have become a routine thing during these exhibitions.

Reaching home, workplace and educational institution on time seems impossible for anyone faced with dense traffic, broken roads and confused traffic police. In these circumstances, the entire city gets paralysed for hours with road closures if God forbid any one of our leaders decides to appear in public.

Our government may have been able to promote its exports by $18 billion or more through these recent exhibitions, but is it a fair deal at the expense of precious lives? Do the authorities realise how suffocated and alienated Karachiites feel when they are denied to approach the Fatima Jinnah Road and the Abdullah Haroon Road in their own city for the sake of foreign delegates' security? What about the security of the common man?

Can't our leaders shift the Expo centre and foreign consulates to less crowded areas of the city, or perhaps out of the city? Can't they use helicopters and long flyovers from the airport to suitable points rather than paralysing city life? Are they least bothered to understand the resentment and agony of the people who are made to miss their trains, flights, classes, appointments, interviews and loved ones? Are we, the people, so worthless that we should die on roads while our leaders roam around in their bulletproof cars?

Who's responsible for these 21 cold-blooded murders on congested roads?

further links:
http://www.paktribune.com/news/index.php?id=141422
http://www.jang.com.pk/thenews/apr2006-daily/07-04-2006/oped/newspost.htm
http://67.59.144.177/daily_detail.asp?id=3047
http://www.dawn.com/weekly/dmag/dmag2.htm

The list goes on...

Have You?
Here's a list of things passed on from many bloggers. Copy it and put the things you've done in bold and add another thing at the end. By the way, I have scrutinized the list, it had become too long!!!

1. Swam with dolphins
2. Hugged a tree
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Been inside the Great Pyramid
5. Rode a boat
6. Saw a human being die.
7. Been stuck in a lift.
8. Chatted all night long.
9. Bungee jumped.
10. Watched a lightning storm at sea
11. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sunrise
12. Lost your Best Friend for reasons of death
13. Gone to a huge sports game
14. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
15. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
16. Fallen in love over the internet
17. Slept under the stars
18. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
19. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
20. Watched a meteor shower
21. Built your own PC from parts
22. Given more than you can afford to charity
23. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
24. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
25. Changed your name
26. Had a booth at a street fair
27. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
28. Gotten someone fired for his or her actions
29. Gone back to school (ok, yeah if visiting counts...)
30. Parasailed
31. Had a snowball fight
32. Had a food fight (food be much delicious and powerful commodity to waste)
33. Enacted a favorite fantasy
34. Had two hard drives for your computer
35. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
36. Shouted as loudly as you possibly can
37. Taken an ice cold bath/shower
38. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
39. Seen a total eclipse
40. Ridden a roller coaster
41. Ridden a horse
42. Had major surgery
43. Loved your job for all accounts
44. Had a snake as a pet
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
49. Visited all 7 continents
50. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
51. Had amazing friends
52. Had your picture/name in the newspaper
53. Watched wild whales
54. Stolen a sign
55. Milked a cow
56. Midnight walk on the beach
57. Sky diving
58. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
59. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
60. Bench-pressed your own weight
61. Alphabetized your records
62. Pretended to be a superhero
63. Sung karaoke
64. Lounged around in bed all day
65. Scuba diving
66. Played in the mud
67. Played in the rain
68. Gone to a drive-in theatre
69. Said 'I love you' and meant it
70. Visited the Great Wall of China
71. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to know about your blog has discovered your blog
72. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
73. Started a business
74. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
75. Toured ancient sites
76. Taken a martial arts class
77. Sword fought for the honor of a woman.
78. Gotten married
79. Been in a movie
80. Crashed a party
81. Loved someone you shouldn't have
82. Gotten divorced
83. Gone without food for a whole day
84. Spent an extreme winter night under open sky.
85. Made cookies from scratch
86. Won first prize in a costume contest
87. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
88. Ridden a gondola in Venice
89. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
90. Got flowers for no reason
91. Performed on stage
92. Eaten shark
93. Bought a house
94. Been in a combat zone
95. Been on a cruise ship
96. Spoken more than one language fluently
97. Performed in Rocky Horror
98. Read - and understood - your credit report
99. Raised children
100. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
101. Gone out of your way to help someone.
102. Created and named your own constellation of stars
103. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
104. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
105. Packed up and moved to another city to just start over
106. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
107. Had plastic surgery
108. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
109. Wrote articles for a large publication
110. Lost over 100 pounds
111. Held someone while they were having a flashback
112. Piloted an airplane
113. Broken someone's heart
114. Been fired or laid off from a job
115. Won money on a T.V. game show
116. Really really wanted to kill someone
117. Broken a bone
118. Gone on an African photo safari
119. Ridden a motorcycle
120. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of 100MPH or faster?
121. Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
122. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
123. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
124. Petted a cockroach
125. Selected one "important" author whom you missed in school, and read him/ her
126. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment need them
127. Taught yourself an art from scratch (tried to anyway)
128. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
129. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
130. Skipped all your school reunions
131. Changed a light bulb.
132. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
133. Written your own computer language
134. Written your own computer program.
135. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
136. Dyed your hair
137. Sung in a Barbers' Shop Quartet
138. Be able to relate to every song that you ever listen.
139. Had someone close to you hurt you so bad, SO bad....
140. Left smoking, only because someone you love said so.
141. Cried on death of a person you met just 2/3 times.
142. Tried to write with both hands.
143. Been to Northern Areas of Pakistan.

P.S.
now that u've read it, u MUST also post it to ur own blog. because if u dont, u will die within next 48 hours. its NOT a joke. one of my friends did not pass it on, and he died. i saw him in my dream afterwards, and he instructed me to post it on my blog. if u dont believe me, call him at 041-420-9211, and check for urself!!! :D

Iqbal - The great Philospher, Poet and Visionary

i was enjoying my favourite pastime - just switching the channels - when i came across TheMusic. some street show was on air and the host was wandering the streets with a "complex" question of "who is the author of kulyaat e iqbal?". i just laughed at the simplicity and triviality of the question, and remembered a blond joke:

a blonde asked someone: "if u tell me whats in this basket, u'll get all the eggs in it. and if u tell the number of eggs in the basket, then all of the twelve eggs will be yours"
and that someone, who happened to be a blonde too, replied after pondering over the question: "give me some hint please!!"

anyways, i was about to switch the channel when someone answered "ghalib", and i stopped. the screen flashed and another person replied "Ahmad Faraz". the screen kept flashing, and kept astonishing me. many asked in reply that what is kulyaat e iqbal. i just sat there, with my eyes transfixed on the TV screen and my jaws wide open. i could not believe it. PAKISTANIs did not know what is kulyaat e iqbal?? PAKISTANIs did not know who is the author of kulyaat e iqbal?? answering the question needed just a bit of common sense, and just slighetest of the knowledge of Pakistan's history. what happened to this nation?? how easily we forgot the conceiver of the whole idea of Pakistan?? what we've been teaching in schools?? i remember in my times, Iqbal was an essential part of every class from first to 12th. then what happened?? was the syllabus changed in order to "align it with modern needs"? or is it because of foreign educational systems?? if today they dont know what is kulyaat e Iqbal, tomorrow they wont even know who is Iqbal!! this is depressing i must say! had Iqbal been alive to see this day, he must've died watching that program!!
we MUST NOT forget the people who gave us this country. we MUST NOT forget our ancestors, for following their teachings can lead us to honor. and surely enough, its the ignorance of their teachings which has lead us to see this day. Iqbal said:

meray kaa'bay ko jabeenoon say sjaaya kis nay??
meray qur'aan ko seenay say lgaaya kis nay??
no e insaan ko ghulaami say churraya kis nay??
thay tou aaba woh tumhaaray hee magar tum kia ho??
haath per haath dhray muntazir e frda ho

i'm impressed!!

just noticed that my profile views counter has reached 73 in just 64 days!! i'm impressed with my performance as a blogger!! but more impressive is the fact that now i have more profile views than my "inspiration" to this world of blogging - Krak Head - who's profile views are 55. what do u say Krak Head?? but i guess it will take me some time to overtake another "inspiration" Sameer Durrani , who is at 115 right now!

thanks to all the readers who like my stupid thoughts!!!

iQuote

Really liked this quote by Luke Mellors:
"Significant others - in my case my wife - are like IT problems in that there are times when they require more attention, often are hard to figure out, break down now and again, need huge bandwidth in order to communicate and aren't nearly as redundant as you would like them to be."

Back in Action

I was obsessed with literature. could not go to bed without a book. there have been times when i "read" dictionary because i could not find anything better to read. and about writing, i used to keep a paper/pen under my pillow. i used to write alot. freedom of expression is a basic human right. i used to speak less, but write alot to express myself.... but time changed, and so my habits. i stopped reading, and stopped writing. but i could not stop thinking and feeling. thoughts started piling up inside me. my smile got replaced by an expressionless face, which was then replaced by an angry face. i became an angry man who knows nothing except shouting, who cannot see good in anything, and who does not know how to smile. i was falling into darkness. anger and pessimism took over me. i wanted to get rid of it, but did not know how. and then one day, i discovered Krakhead's Blog through orkut. and it reminded me that i used to be a writer once. the writer inside me woke up, and i came back on track. thoughts started transforming into words instead of frustration. i started feeling better.
but alot has changed during this break. my laptop has replaced my writing pad. my diary has been replaced by my blog. but more importantly, my writing style has changed. and above all, urdu has been replaced by english. four years back, i could not imagine that i would be writing in english. and now, its very hard to write the type of urdu that was once my specialty. it used to be difficult for me to find english translation of urdu words. and now, i keep searching and scraching my head for urdu translation of english words. its strange, and disturbing, because i dont want to lose the quality urdu language that i once possessed. i remember four years back, my urdu was so pure that people used to find it difficult to translate it into "normal" urdu. and now, i speak "normal" urdu as they say, but this urdu has surely been contaminated by some extensive use of english.
but still, no matter what the medium, no matter what the language, it really IS good to start writing again!! i'm feeling a lot lighter now, alot fresher and alot livelier.

The Psuedo Car, A Poem

when writing the post Oceanic Thoughts: The Psuedo Car, i was thinking of this poem, just got hold of it! so, here is what the legendary zameer jafri has to say about sameer's princess and the haunted grey one:

Aik She'r

Dont have courage to write anything on what happened in Karachi. just a she'r of Iqbal (i guess)

Ae Khasa e khaasaan e rusul, waqt e dua hai
ummat pey teri aa k ajab waqt prra hai

اے خاصہ خاصان رسل، وقت دعا ہے
امت پہ تری آ کے عجب وقت پڑا ہے

this really is a sad state of affairs i must say.

(Background: on 13th April 2006, A milaad gathering was bombed in Karachi on the day of Eid milaad un Nabi, killing more than 50 people)

I will always be there...

My Dear Friend
anytime u need
a shoulder to cry on
a friend to rely on
a hand to hold on
or any help to carry on
just give me a call
a missed call is all i need
write an sms if u can
or just send an email
and if u cant even do that
just call my name from inside ur heart
just think of me
and say that you need a friend
I promiss
I will be there
as soon as i could
I will be there
sooner than anyone else
I will be there
no matter how far i am
no matter how busy i am
I might not be able to solve
but i will definitely share
I might not be able to
shrink your long distances
but i will walk along till the end
and i will stand beside you
even if the whole world abandons you
even if i have to leave the whole world
even if the whole world leaves me
I will stand beside you
My Dear Friend
whenever u count the people you can count on
whenever u count the people you trust
whenever u count your friends
start counting from me
because even if everyone else abandons you
I wont
I will never ever let you face the problems alone
I will never break your trust
I will never dissappoint you
My Dear Friend
if you dont remember me in your good times
if you dont share your happy moments with me
I dont really mind
but
if you dont remember me in your bad times
if you dont share your sad moments with me
then I wont forgive you
but I will still stand beside you
and I would still love to help you
because I love you
becaues I love my friends
because I love myself
My Dear Friend
helping others gives me energy
helping others keeps me alive
helping others is purpose of my life
dont let me starve
dont let me die
help me achieve purpose of my life
remember me in your bad times
and i promiss
I will never dissappoint you
I will always be there to share
I will always be there to care
I will always be there to listen
I will always be there to help
I will always be there...

Marrying a lady doctor...

a medical student asked me to write a few lines in punjabi about marrying a lady doctor, which she wanted to use in her punjabi speech... i was told later that it DID amuse people! (and this comment DID amuse me!!!)

meri man k buch jaao gey
doctrni wiya k phas jao gey
pandday tou tou mar jao gey
ubli sabzi kha kha ak jao gey
bachay khaddanday reh jao gey
raataan jaag jaag rul jao gey

3rd March 2005

The Psuedo Car

getting ready for the office, i counted the number of cars available and number of cars needed. after some "complex" calculations, i found out that i could get a car that day!! but alongwith this pleasant thought, there came a dangerous question, WHICH car? oh please no allah mian!! not THAT!!! a surge of fear went through my spine with the thought of driving the grey one. NOT that allah mian... praying for "protection" from this car, i asked my father which car to take... not this car pleaaase... after a deathening silence, he finally told me to take the grey one. DAMN!!! i took a deep breath, wishfully glanced at a brand new car parked behind this grey one, and another "good" car behind that... took another deep breath, and slid myself into the driving seat of the grey alto.

alto is not a bad car waisay, especially if u dont have any other option... but this grey one is a strange car, a natural nightmare for me atleast. i dont know its haunted or what, but ive never seen it in a good respectable condition. having a look at the "interior", i found out that both the direct-sun-beam protectors were missing. the dashboeard drawer door was held intact by a binding wire. right hand side mirror was missing, and the left one could show me anything except what i wanted it to! so, i had to rely on the inner rear-view mirror. but as soon as i touched it for some minor adjustments, it liked my touch so much that it left its base, and came along my hand!! (i swear that the adjustments WERE minor!!) so, now i could only pray that others drive responsibly to save me. throughout my journey, i kept praying for the car to not to get angry in the middle of the road. but to my surprise, it did take me to the office without getting annoyed.

everything went well untill the lunch time, when all of the 8 people who were hired with me, decided to go out to have lunch. the idea seemed perfect, but i did not know what was about to happen...when i joined others after "locking" my pc (why do they call it a lock when there is none??), i was told that we were short of cars. i was about to offer my car when i suddenly remembered that it was the grey one, and so decided to keep my mouth shut. i thanked god that they did not know about me being "the chosen one" to have a car that day... someone threw a brilliantly stupid idea of stuffing all the seven ppl into one car... "Hey, you have a car today??" someone asked, pointing to the car keys in my hand... "aaaaaaaaaa...Yes", i answered reluctantly, cursing myself on this habit of keeping keys in my hand... now i had no choice, but to offer them the ride of their lives in the haunted grey one. they obviously had accepted my offer even before i made one. so, everyone just walked towards the parking. i hopelessly stared at the gray one before unlocking it. mubashir - my colleague, but much senior - opened the other front door to amuse himself by the great interior of the grey one. but wait, the only mirror of this "psuedo-car" was showing me something... and again, it was NOT what i wanted it to show!! as though i was not already feeling embarrassed, they had sent the two girls of our batch to "enjoy" the ride of their lives in this psuedo-car!! DAMN!! i just wanted to run away from that grey one, and i'm sure those girls would have prefferred ANY other option after watching the "interior", but there was none! anyways, they closed their eyes, and made themselves "comfortable" at the back seats. (that surely was a very uncomfortable comfortable state!)

i started the grey one, brought it near the road, and then kept waiting there for about fifteen minutes to get a chance to become a part of the heavy trarffic, but it seemed an impossible task. in case you dont know, to be ablo to successfully cross that road in less than five minutes, you have to pass TDCRCP exam. (TDCRCP is TeraData Certified Road Crossing Professional). as i am yet to become TDCRCP, so i became a little devilish and brought it on the road taking a sharp turn and hearing some angry horns. the sharp turn amused mubashir so much that he is still afraid of my driving, and still tells the tale of that turn - whenever he gets a chance - with some good sound effects!!. and i keep telling him that i normally am a safe driver, provided that i am not driving this grey one!! i dont know whats wrong, but whenever i drive this car, my driving suddenly becomes devilish. anyways, we reached sufi restaurant, and parked the car. but getting out of the car, i remembered that one of car's back doors could not be opened from inside owing to a broken handle. but what really embarrassed me further was the scene of the back seat passengers getting out of the car in a que, through the single openable door.!

as soon as everyone got out of the car, we heard some noises which were a mixture of drums, tractors and rikshaws!! the noise pollution was getting nearer to us... but as soon as i was able to see the source of the noise, all my embarrassement went away because it was no rikshaw and no drums, it was sameer's car - the princess!! roaring, jolting and crawling on the road, it seemed much more embarrasing than the grey one.

the lunch was good, but i kept feeling that ive been to that place before... anyways, we came back safely, and the work went fine. but when i started the grey one after office to go home, i realized that the head lights were not working!! but being a pakistani, i soon found a solution. the high-beam dimper was working!! so i drove all the way keeping the lights handle pulled up!!

reaching home, i told the exagerated version of this story to everyone, but to keep things under control, carefully replaced girls with boys!! and i also told them that due to so much dust inside, the black suits of my colleagues became brown!! after listening to my story, the "higher management" agreed in principle to the following points:

1) i wont have to take this grey one, unless there is no other option.
2) i will get my own car very soon.
3) the so much fuss that ive created on this issue implies that there WERE some girls in my car at the lunch time!!

the frist two points were encouraging obviously, and the third one was to have a tickling dessert after a good dinner of my story!!

when i went to bed that night, my conscientious subconcious bombarded me with questions. do i deserve a car at all? what have i done so far in my life? how much have i earned so far?... my father spent his whole life on second hand bicycles, and my brothers used to go to office on public transport. shouldnt i be thankful to have a car atleast whenever i need?
i had no answer to any of the questions. so, i sent my conscience to sleep, and then went to sleep myself!!

Friday 24 Feb, 2006

Aik She'r

yesterday on my way back home in a taxi, NFAK was singing this ghazal, really liked it.

dekh laila teray majnoo'n ka klaija kia hai
khak mein mil k bhi kehta hai k bigrra kia hai


دیکھ لیلہ تیرےمجنوں کا کلیجہ کیا ہے
خاک میں مل کے بھی کہتا ہے کہ بگڑا کیا ہے

kuch log

i dont really care about competency of ppl around me, but they HAVE to be good persons!! i will be really happy to help some good icompetent person in his work, but i just cannot do even my own work with a bad competent person around me!!!

for ppl i dont like, i can just say: "kuch logoon say mil kr insaan sochta hai k woh ab tak kahaan thay, aur jahaan thay wahaan wapas kiun nahi chlay jaatay??" (source unknown)

Kids...

when i reached home, my nephew came to me with his result card in his hands... i was told that he stood second in PLAYGROUP exams!!! offcourse, he was happy as if he had flagged the mount everest... anyways, mein nay usay shabaash dee, but he told me that other "chachoo" has given him hundered rupees!!! and i realized the purpose of the whole exercise, and realized that now ive become "billable"!! so, i gave him 50 rupees. he took the note happily, and then rushed to tell the others... my neice came to me and repeated the excercise, but i did not have another 50 rupee note, and had to give her a 100 rupee note. when my nephew saw this, he raised his voice against this "gender discrimination"... searching my pockets, i found a toffee which i gave him, and said that you get a blue note with a toffee, and the other gets "only" a red note!! satisfied that he has got more than his cousine, he again broadcasted this, and then my neice came to me asking for a toffee as well!!! i told her that u get a 100 rupees note, but she insisted that she needs a toffee as well... i told her the "benifits" of a red note over a blue one, and told her that she can get a toffee with a blue note only... but kids are just kids... she insisted to get the toffee, and i finally had to somehow get a 50 rupee note to resolve the issue!!

moral of the story:
bachay tou bachay hotay hain
aqal kay kachay hotay hain
choti choti baat pey rotay hai
lekin bohat achay hotay hain

wednesday 8th march, 2006

A Man who was a Town...

love food? live for food? wanna read about food?? then u must read http://www.pkblogs.com/sameerdurrani. its the blog of his highness, his "fatness" Sameer Shaida Durrani.... (dont get confused by his name Shaida, he is he, not she!!!)

my friend sameer has three hobbies: eating, sleeping, and sleeping after eating... he is dieting these days, but he cannot diet for extended periods. so, he takes three breaks from dieting everyday, one at breakfast, one at lunch, and one at dinner... but the problem is that he has to eat other than the breaks as well. so, the sketch below describes his dieting...

After Joining NCR

below is what i wrote two weeks after joining NCR... im posting it here just for the record....
when i look back now, i see how everything was planned... now i know why i could not get a job here earlier due to most weirdest of the reasons... why i resigned from Al-Huda without any reason... and its interesting how i landed in Shifa after the earthquake... i was made to see the misery in Kashmir... and i had to put in my bit to help them... and just at the right time, they called me... Allah Surely knows the best!!!

why am i here??

this blogspot is a good place and a good idea. thanks to aisha, whose blog inspired me to create one of my own... u must see her blog at http://www.pkblogs.com/aishakhan. i have decided to post here regularly, although i know that i wont be doiong it, but still... and i have also decided that i will be writing the date of every event, so as to assist someone who will be writing my biography when i become famous :-)... i have been trying to write alot of things in parallel... and have come to a conclusion that my system is not designed for parallel processing... will post something BIG very soon...

GCC and GIC

I work in a Global Consulting Centre, what they call GCC. Its a division of NCR. Reading paper the other day, I thought that America must be having a GIC, a department of CIA. Want to know what this GIC stands for? Its Global Insulting Centre.!!

Expecting The Unexpected...

i dont remember when, but long long ago i learned the secret to a happy life: i must NOT expect anything from anyone. if someone gives me a favour, appreciate his help. if i ask someone for a favour and he does not try to help me, i must not be upset.... the rule worked excellent for years... this rule helped me live happily... years went by... sand clocks kept turning upside down... untill one day something happened... someone did something which i did not expect him to do... my rule failed... my principle gave me the shock of my life... i did not expect anything from him... but then what happened? i kept thinking... i kept wondering... i kept searching for an answer... and finally, i found the answer... my rule was not wrong... but it was incomplete... i never expected anything good from anyone, but forgot that i must expect something from everyone... i must expect anything bad from anyone... the rule changed... and i started living happily again...

Getting the hint of it...

now ive been working on these stupid things for past two months: jakarta struts, java, jsp, tomcat, jboss, TAP, DVRF, JBeans etc etc... always used to wonder whats going on behind the scenes... how do they transfer contro from one page to another without any direct link... tired of it, i called my F1 (an old, good friend of mine i always remember in such events) ... "yaaaaaaaaaaaar, its the stupidest thing ive ever seen in Computers..." was his response. and as i am a real fan of him, i instantly declared all this as stupid. a month passed this way... used to look at the code everyday, and then used to wonder whats all this stupidity... but yesterday when i opened the code YET AGAIN, everything suddenly started to make sense... and now i just cannot appreciate the design enough... i mean its good. and im still wondering what changed this opinion of mine... is it just that everything i dont understand is stupid? and everything i understand is great? is it just with me, or with everyone? is "something stupid" is something we dont understand? again, its kind of stupid thought (just because i dont understand it?)....

Life of an IT Professional...

Every IT professional lives in a world of his own. for some the world is flat, and for others its round. no matter how hard one tries, he just cannot get out of his world... its not long since ive started living in a 14" LCD world. before that, I used to live in a 17" CRT world!!!