Back in Action

I was obsessed with literature. could not go to bed without a book. there have been times when i "read" dictionary because i could not find anything better to read. and about writing, i used to keep a paper/pen under my pillow. i used to write alot. freedom of expression is a basic human right. i used to speak less, but write alot to express myself.... but time changed, and so my habits. i stopped reading, and stopped writing. but i could not stop thinking and feeling. thoughts started piling up inside me. my smile got replaced by an expressionless face, which was then replaced by an angry face. i became an angry man who knows nothing except shouting, who cannot see good in anything, and who does not know how to smile. i was falling into darkness. anger and pessimism took over me. i wanted to get rid of it, but did not know how. and then one day, i discovered Krakhead's Blog through orkut. and it reminded me that i used to be a writer once. the writer inside me woke up, and i came back on track. thoughts started transforming into words instead of frustration. i started feeling better.
but alot has changed during this break. my laptop has replaced my writing pad. my diary has been replaced by my blog. but more importantly, my writing style has changed. and above all, urdu has been replaced by english. four years back, i could not imagine that i would be writing in english. and now, its very hard to write the type of urdu that was once my specialty. it used to be difficult for me to find english translation of urdu words. and now, i keep searching and scraching my head for urdu translation of english words. its strange, and disturbing, because i dont want to lose the quality urdu language that i once possessed. i remember four years back, my urdu was so pure that people used to find it difficult to translate it into "normal" urdu. and now, i speak "normal" urdu as they say, but this urdu has surely been contaminated by some extensive use of english.
but still, no matter what the medium, no matter what the language, it really IS good to start writing again!! i'm feeling a lot lighter now, alot fresher and alot livelier.