My state of mind right now...

another birthday today... another year passed... so quickly... so quickly that i almost dint notice it... three years ago, i was in northern areas these days... an year after that, i was there again... for all the wrong reasons... it was earthquake, it was doomsday... then another year passed, i was in london for all the right reasons with all the right company... so vividly i remember it all... nobody wished me till evening last year, when i expected atleast ppl there with me to wish... i dint expect wishes from same ppl this year, but unpredictable as this life is, they wished me...

its really amazing how much life can change in one year... and at the same time, how amazingly still life can become for the whole year... i spent almost all of the year in the same company (though the name changed two days ago), in the same city, same office, same desk... yet i'm not the Kashif who i was 1 year ago... learned a lot from my mistakes, changed a lot for the better and for the worse at the same time... found new friends, lost old ones... among them, lost a very dear friend inexplicably... still unable to understand what happened... i just know that we lost it somehow... not even acquaintaces anymore... i just have sweet memories and bitter moments... his sight makes me nostalgic... my friend took the present from me, i wish he had taken the past with him as well... i wrote this about an year ago, and its sad that i was very much right... my friend, i wish you everything in life!!

i dont know what life has in store for me... where will i be next year... i had ambitious plans, but couldnt act on them... i still have ambitious plans... but i'm working on them more seriously now... i've matured, learned a lot to know whats practical and whats not... i hope for next year to bring fulfillemnt, rewards and satisfaction... i pray it brings health and joy... i pray i discover my true self in the days to come... i pray i achieve my dreams... i pray...

A Voice From The Past

i wrote it more than an year ago, but never got the chance to post. now something has happened, something has changed which encouraged me to dig it down and write it out.
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wednesday 22nd feb 2006 at about 3 o'clock noon
I received a call from my home. My father was on the line. The conversation went somewhat like...
My father: "someone is here to meet u".
Me: "who?"
My father: "ask urself!!".
He handed over the phone to that person.
The person: "hello".
Me: "Assalam o Alaikum".
The person: "pehchana?"
As i recognized the voice, A thousand images changed in front of my eyes in a split second, and it took me some time to recompose myself.
Me: "Qari Mushtaq sahab", how can i forget u?
"pehchaan liya hai g is nay", I overheard him saying to my father.

They were not expecting me to recognize him so quickly. Its definitely not easy to recognize someone's voice after nine long years, but HOW could I forget him? The conversation ended after a few more sentences, but it took me on a ride to some years back in the past... I used to
meet this person daily for 5 years...
How can I forget him?
How can I forget the Quran in my heart?
How can I forget the dent on my nose?
How can I forget the hatred i have for maulvies?
How can I forget a person I respect a lot, and at the same time hate from the core of my heart?
How can I forget my teacher who taught me the Quran?
How can I forget my student of english and maths?
How can I forget those post-torture sleepless nights?
JUST HOW can I forget???

By the time I left the madrassa, I had a mission. I had a vision. I had a dream. I wanted to create an institution where the world's best islamic and non-islamic education will be offerred. An institution which will not create clerics, And nor it will be an assembly line of atheists. But I also knew that it wont be easy.

Once I left madrassa, I never went back. I never looked back. Of the ppl I know/knew, only three went on to persue worldly education. others... well, thats a separate sad story.

I got busy in other stuff. This world is the best illusion. My mission kept being pushed deeper into the dust, but it never left my mind. I kept hoping for the right time, and i kept praying for the strengths needed to achieve my dream.